The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a beard to bite.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
