she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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