you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
