First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
