Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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