Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
