I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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