I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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