she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
