I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
