the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
