Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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