3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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