We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
