so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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