Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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