ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
