So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She announced her abortion via fbk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
