She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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