we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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