you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i already hear my dad disowning me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
