she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
