I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
