Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
where are my pants?
in the oven.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
