so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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