if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
