PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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