Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You can't motorboat a personality
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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