I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
