I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
