I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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