I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
