Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
