I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
