I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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