Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
