My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
