when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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