Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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