can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
