I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
