Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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