I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
