If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
