I CAN MOONWALK!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
