She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
