I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
