Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
