eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
