I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
do nipples grow back?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
