i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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