I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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