I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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